The Ranting Dom

8:56am: Entry at top-of-journal
I assume that you've already read my user info, so I won't repeat it, but a quick note:

I (generally) don't read the journals on the Friends page for this journal, not because I'm not interested, but because I don't have time to jump between journals.

9:03pm: Weekly Questions #1 - What makes a Master
My slave has requested that we choose a question to answer each week. We're doing this for a slew of reasons - to do brain dumps, to get better at explaining things, and because it's useful to make sure we're getting into 'that' frame of mind instead of getting totally hammered with work and house and baby.

I'm going to primarily post these here, although if I start Ranting, I'll probably dump it into the community.

First question was one we heard at the Master/slave Conference: What are the three most important attributes of being a Master? Master, in this case, is not gender specific, but is *not* meant to describe Tops from a S&M perspective. IMO the two elements can coexist in people, but just beating people doesn't make you a Master.

The top of my list is 'being in control of yourself'. If your life is a complete mess, if you're emotionally unstable, if you can't even manage to pay the rent... then you probably don't have the bandwidth to be a Master. This isn't to say you'll *never* be a Master, but your first priority should be to put your own house in order, instead of worrying about taking on more responsibility.

Second is "being willing and able to accept what they surrender". It means something when your slave gives him or herself to you - there is a level of trust and commitment that is not quite the same as when you let yourself be tied up. One is trusting someone with your physical safety - the other with your emotional safety. The latter is guarded a lot more dearly than the former - and a Master must not only recognize this, but be willing to make the agreement not to abuse this trust.

The third element is having a compatible partner. In my opinion, you can only be a Master to an indivdual (or individuals), and a Master without a partner is only half of a whole. In the long run a Master has to have a slave who shares his or her vision, whatever that may be - otherwise the relationship is doomed to unhappiness and failure sooner or later. The Master should ideally help their slave to grow and change - to both make them fit the Master's needs, and to give the slave a sense of fulfillment, and being useful. Granted, there are slaves that seem willing to mold themselves to whatever goal the Master has... but in order for them to do so, the Master has to have some to begin with.

This latter is the hardest element to 'Master' (so to speak), as the Master has to not only have a plan, but be flexible with it as time and circumstances change.

Note that, IMO, BDSM technique doesn't mean a damn when it comes to being a Master. I haven't been able to beat my slave in *months* due to the pregnancy, my ropework has atrophied from lack of use, and I can't flog for long without my carpel tunnel kicking in... but I'm still Master, and she's still my slave.

2:37pm: First post here in forever. I may end up using this journal as a public posting place for certain ponderings

One of the things Michelle (my slave, wife, and soon to be mother of my child, for those that don't know) and I have been discussing lately is the lack of willing and able speakers out there when it comes to pervy presentations, and we have been pondering putting something together for the next time there is a gap that needs to be filled. What immediately popped to my mind as a subject that is rarely discussed is fear

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9:55pm: Update
A quick update, because I haven't had a chance to post here in quite awhile, and some of you don't read my vanilla journal

1) I'm now in San Francisco, for a three month contract. How long that "three months" will last is anyone's guess at this point - couple be a year, could get the ax next week.

2) I can't *believe* I haven't mentioned it in here before, but apparently I haven't. So, FYI, Michelle - the person I've been seeing more or less constantly since Halloween - is now my slave, and she's worn my collar since the beginning of May. She just spent a week with me, and flew home today. I miss her already.

3) I have a backlog of smuts and scene reports I'll post Real Soon Now, when things calm down with item #1

12:03am: *twitch*
I just stumbled across Gorean smut.

I feel soiled

7:53am: San Fran?
I'm going to be in San Francisco next weekend with my partner; are there any pervy things going on that are worth doing?

Actually, is there anything in particular that you'd recommend we see? I've been to SF a couple times, but I never really got a chance to play tourist...

12:22am: uhhh... whups
Ever had one of those days where you just click the wrong name?

{Stratagos> oh shit
{k> what what
{Stratagos> {Stratagos> hey! you're a sub! you left me an opening! can we fuck?
{Stratagos> {MrHedo> no I'm not and no we can't
{k> lmao
{Stratagos> I meant to send that to you!
{k> wtf????
{Stratagos> the 'sub' thing
{k> ROTFLMAO
{k> hahahahahaha
{Stratagos> because mr lamer was hitting on you
{k> yeah hehehe
{k> omg what did you tell him
{Stratagos> nothing
{Stratagos> but I have to post it now
* k chokes on her soda
{k> hahahahahahah

7:52pm: If you ever see me bobbing my head at an event.....
... now you know why:



And if I open my mouth at you, keep away from my territory, bitch

5:21pm: I highly doubt this will ever be used by my sweet, but just in case she has the desire...
Hey there, loser.

If you've been directed to this post by a link, that means you've gone beyond the standard annoying HNG (Horny Net Geek) lameness, and are one or more of the following:

1) Incredibly dense, and not taking the hint
2) Creepy beyond words
3) Using manipulative word choices in a vain attempt to 'trap' people into agreeing to things
4) Arrogant to the point where the person who directed you here fantasizes about you. With a stake up your ass.
5) Plainly only interested in sex/play, even as you proclaim your desire for "friendship"
6) Cheating scum - and yes, beating ass is cheating, fucker

So, to make it plain:

SHE'S NOT INTERESTED

You have absolutely *nothing* to offer that I can't supply. And the odds are, given your grievous lack of class, that I can do it better. And do, actually.

Yes, she's hot. But she's MINE. And although I'm willing to share, if she's directed you here, I'm not willing to share with YOU, because you've either annoyed her, amused her (at your expense), or have filled her with a sense of contempt. You are *off* the list, dirtbag

Go away, and pester my partner no longer. Take away the knowledge that, had you demonstrated anything remotely like a clue, you might have eventually gotten to see her naked and begging - but at this point, the only "begging" she might do related to you would be "Please, Sir, let me have the paddle so I can knock him upside the head"

Dumbass

6:17pm: *twitch*
Note to self: When trying to think up interesting fantasy role play ideas:

1) Add the word "sexual" to any google search, so you don't read about Final Fantasy XXXXVI

2) If you get more and more turned off as you read a list, it's probably not a good source

9:58pm: More fun on IRC
{F> oooo. . . i got an email from a dom today
{F> he is exploring his submissive side
{Stratagos> dammit F, you promised you wouldnt tell!
{Stratagos> oh
{Stratagos> wait
{F> and wanted to know if i would command him online to tie himself up and use his own implements on himself
{Stratagos> you mean someone else. Never mind
{b> ...
{k> hahaha
{b> that doesn't sound all that entertaining, if you'll pardon me. :)
{F> i asked him to clarify. . . .
{F> that my commanding him to do exactly what he wanted to do was going to help him explore submission
{Stratagos> F? Mistress? I crave a boon.....
{F> yes?
{Stratagos> Can you... can you command me not to be a friggin HNG retard?
{F> lol
{k> hahahahaha
{F> no
{F> suffer

9:04pm: Ok, here goes
You got a bone to pick with me? Lay in, Macduff

Say your say. Post whatever you want. Call me an ass, tell me I'm a power abusing dorkwad, whatever. Post from your journal, or do it anonymously. Back yourself up with piles of references, or just scream at me. You do what *you* want, without fear that you'll be made to look like a fool - any more than what you choose to post does, that is.

Two rules of this post:

1) I don't care how off base people percieve a response to be, I don't want anyone commenting in reply. I want those individuals to be able to get this crap out of thier system without feeling picked on by 'my hordes', and without things degenerating into a flamewar.

2) I am *not* having comments emailed for this one. I will check in on it every now and then, but I really am not doing this because I want to read it. I'm doing it so I can let people who percieve that I'm doing something wrong to lay it out without getting dogpiled on by others. Especially since - in retrospect - I'm partially responsible for the dogpilage, by pointing out things in filtered post that should have just been ignored.

10:14pm: After thirty minutes of one HNG after another, I send an IM to a friend...
{Stratagos> hi, are you female? can I stick my dick in you?
* k spits out her cocoa
{Stratagos> ;)
{k> that's the best line i heard all evening
{Stratagos> I win ;)
* k pins a gold star on your nose

8:24am: Kinkfest report
Want to get this out while it's still fresh in my brain.

Kinkfest is a three day pervy event in Portland - although to be more accurate it's two days worth of stuff spread over three days.

First, ob-asskissing. The Kinkfest committee did one hell of a job organizing the event. From the purpose-built Dungeon furniture to the namebages to the vendor selection, everything was run at a very professional level. The Dungeon was fan-friggin-tastic - huge, well laid out, and with a variety of furnuture and other badness-enabling items. The steps taken to keep the perviness away from the vanillas - curious or not - was well thought out and executed, and I cannot think of a single time I saw some volenteer or member of the committee acting like a power abusing dorkwad. Since I see that at friggin Faire, where there's a lot less of a power dynamic in place, I find that impressive.

Some of the workshops I saw were excellent (although some were not, see below). The presenters seemed to know thier stuff, although we tended to jump around a bit instead of staying in one class for the allotted time. In addition, they had a Rope Bondage Rodeo on Saturday that revolved around tying someone up in an certain amount of time, and I'm kicking myself for pussing out on it (although I got tossed a six foot length of rope for cheering, and I have a monkeylike sense of curiosity on how it'll compared to the rope I have). I don't know if I would have won, but I definitely wouldn't have embarrassed myself. Incidentally, the guy who set it up from twistedmonk.com (whose name I have forgotten, even though I spoke to him on Sunday) is one hell of a MC, and was a more engaging speaker than some of the workshoppers. If he didn't have to sell his stuff I'd recommend that the Kinkfest committee bring him in for a bondage workshop next year.

There was a variety of vendors available, and although I didn't drop huge bags of cash, I did pick up a few things here and there. Nothing I haven't seen before, but the quality of thier work was impressive. If I needed another flogger, that would have been a perfect place to grab one

One thing that my partner pointed out was the sheer number of switches up here. My experience in So Cal has been that people usually choose to keep that particular data point close to thier vest, as a certain subset of the pervy population thinks "switch" = "someone I haven't made my bitch... yet". Here there is a lot more openness about this, and a certain "Yeah, I'm a switch, if you've got a problem with that, kiss my ass" attitude that I find refreshing

There were, of course, a couple of bad points. During the play parties (and at a couple other points) I saw some things I consider unsafe - things ranging from the eyebrow-quirkable to "umm... what the fuck are they doing??" In some cases it was probably perfectly safe, and I had a bad angle or appreciation for what was going on, in others it was probably newbiness-in-action, and in at least one case it was (apparently) a brain fart. This shouldn't surprise me in retrospect - the dungeon area is at *least* four times bigger than the largest contiguous play area I've ever been in, and simple statistics show that as your population grows, the number of 'extreme' data points also increase, on both the top and bottom ends of the scale. The people DMing seemed to know thier shit, so I just sat back and worried about my own kink.

I haven't spent a lot of time around the self-described "old guard", and I have to admit, my first taste wasn't exceptionally to my liking. One of the presenters has an attitude towards consent I find a bit.. irksome. It make work for her, and it make work for other pervs, but it sure as hell doesn't work for me. I will be Ranting on this real soon now.

Some of the presenters, although probably excellent at what they do, probably need a bit of work on their public speaking skills. When the workshop run by the 'local talent' (on flogging and singletails) was more interesting to me than most of the workshops run by the people they've imported, that's a problem. Sure, I can throw stones all day, and it's a lot easier for me to say that from the audience side of the equation.... but, frankly, I didn't spend $100 to fidget in my seat for an hour and a half. Just because someone is seen as an expert does not mean they're, by definition, good at passing on that expertise, and that's what worshops are *for*.

Let me be clear - there were some very engaging speakers there, and I missed some classes I would have liked to attend. But some of the speakers were *not* engaging, and I would submit (heh) that it might do them good to crack a Public Speaking 101 textbook.

I have a couple of other minor gripes - the rooms (IMO) should have been either set up differently or had stages so that the demos were easier to view. There was little time between workshops to interact with the fellow convention-goers, so most of the 'networking' consisted of pestering the vendors and briefly being introduced to people whose names I now almost all forget. And the workshops tended to feel either as if they were one hour classes stretched into an hour and a half, or three hours crammed into an hour and a half, or (IMO) focused on the wrong things.

But on the whole, definitely a well spent weekend.

7:57am: Kinkfest: Friday
Didn't get there in time to help with setup. Huuuuge frigging dungeon area, ok vendor area. Apparently there are two places for workshops in the hotel proper as well. Got to say hi and wave to a few people before picking up my date from the airport, taking her briefly to tease the ever living hell out of her, and then heading home. We'll see how today goes.

10:54am: Obligatory Dare Failure Post
I have been dirty dog quadupled dared to do something, and apparently if you are dared as such, and puss out, you must make a public statement of what the dare was, and why you are a craven cowardly wussboy.

I was dared to go the play party associated with Kinkfest dressed as Hugh Hefner (Pink Panther jammies and a smoking jacket or bathrobe), and since the person I'm going with is a little nervous as it is, I don't think I want to scar her any more than I already plan to

*snerk*

10:09am: *snerk*
PeggythePegBoy: btw, do you want to know what I was doing when we were on the phone? Do you *really* want to know?
"Friend": what?
PeggythePegBoy: do you? Does it eat at you?
"Friend": *whimpers* It does now
PeggythePegBoy: well. In actuality....
PeggythePegBoy: I was mopping and sweeping the kitchen. Sorry ;)
"Friend": *laughs*

8:16am: Brutal Honesty Day
If anyone feels like asking me nosy questions, now is the time:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/stratagos/598518.html

9:11pm: Ten Things To Do If You're The Only One At A Munch
(no, I wasn't the only one at today's munch. I just *thought* I was for thirty minutes)


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10:54am: DIY woodworking
Threw together a pair of spreader bars this weekend. Photos here - I would have moved them into the DIY Kink subfolder, but for some reason Photobucket is slow as hell today

http://photobucket.com/albums/v213/Stratagos/Woodworking/

This was... fun. I screwed up the first attempts, and I had to cut one of them down to get around the damage, but I feel confident I can throw these things together slick as you please now. I like teaching myself new skills ;)

I think I'll recreate my toy rack next weekend, sans woodstain (I'll stain it when it's drier and warmer). I'm sure I can find someone who will want to take it off my hands when I leave.

7:32pm: Rant on Cheating. Again
So over in male_dom (and in dot_bdsm_snark), there is this "submissive" who is basically screwing around behind her husband's back.

Her latest post - and the responses she's making to the comments she recieves - is, without a doubt, one of the most self serving attempts of rationalization I have ever come across online. And that's saying a lot.

I know some people in the lifestyle are 'interacting' with others behind thier partner's backs. Fine. Good for you. I believe I've made my own views on that subject abundantly clear, and I'm not going to get back on that particular soapbox right now.

But... I simply do not comprehend the mindset of someone so self-indulgent, so narcissistic, so blind to the consequences of thier actions that they don't see how they've been fucking over thier partner, and that there *isn't* any way to undo all the damage they've done - especially when they don't seek forgiveness for screwing other people, they now seek *permission*. Most people who cheat at least have the decency to feel guilty about betraying those who care for them; she's been flaunting it, and slamming back at people who call her on it.

I literally cannot see the point of view of someone who doesn't understand how the betrayal of thier partner is invariably a Bad Thing. I just *can't* get into a headspace where I could understand it. I'd be like waking up tomorrow and saying "Yes, I can fly today. Flying is fun. I can soar around like Superman whenever I want to."

And I'm not sure that I ever want to.

10:27pm: Quick IRC snarkiness
{msub> but this women just tried to tell he he 35 yr old kid id his ....ohly shit imagine that
{M> could we try that again in an English-related language, msub?

{Stratagos> Wait... since when do I have to be literate?? Isn't this the internet?
* M grins

11:39am: More adventures in IRC
The comments in italics were in private message. Slightly rearraigned to maximize the humor

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8:33am: *growls*
I decided when I first started this job that I wouldn't access my perv account at work, for obvious reasons.

This particular little gem made me throw my caution to the wind

http://www.ljdrama.org/index.php?p=1072#comments

I could go on a rant about Fucked Up People Making All Pervs Look Bad, but this is so far and away outside the pale that I'm not really worried about that - he's no more of a representative for pervs than he'd be a representative for a good parent, or a lawyer, or anything else he might be interested in. [1]

I'm so angry right now I'm shaking. Sure, I don't know this guy from adam, but... I'm just speechless.

What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. People.

Gonna be real hard to concentrate on process modeling for a bit.

[1] Yes, I know it's gonna come up eventually, when people use this jackass as a club, just like they use Todd Bertang, but I just don't give a shit right now. I'm a bit too pissed as a human being to worry about damage control right now.

9:10pm: Went to Vancouver munch
Met a couple of sane people who gave me the skinny on the local scene. The Domme was cool, but the guy - *oh* so gay! Holy God! And I think he has a really small penis, too!

*snicker*

{Yes, they might be on LJ ;) )